Musings

The second least original title for a random post of buckshot stream of consciousness besides "Scrambled Thoughts" is probably something like...Musings.  Either way, I'm willing to attempt being creative even if I know I'm not being particularly original.  I have been "musing" for the past few months on various things.  I also started reading some books on re-entering your home culture.  It's curious that we spend so much time preparing seriously to adapt and integrate into a foreign culture, especially if we plan to spend a substantial amount of time in this "foreign environment."  However, once we've finally found a way to cope in our home culture again, we expect coming home to be a natural step in the process of traveling.  But we really don't tend to look ahead and see how complicated and difficult a process this can be.  I spent the entire Christmas break preparing to leave, preparing to fly alone, preparing to live in Asia, and preparing to do online classwork, but what I failed to prepare for was coming home to a culture that didn't stop changing when I left.  What I didn't think about beforehand was the result of being a semester behind with all my Northland friends and atmosphere.  I certainly didn't anticipate trying to explain and share an entire semester of my life with my parents who could not fathom the impact this semester had on my future ministry. 

Some Scattered Traces of a Thought Life...

It's so easy to get caught up in a daily routine, whether working a job, teaching a class, going to class, going to college, or basically doing anything. We humans are so comfortable and secure in our little schedules. As hobbits we "never go anywhere out of the ordinary or do anything unexpected." We get so tightly wound into our nests that to breach the perimeter and get out of our comfort zone, or even comfort routine is ludicrous to us. What could possibly be so comfortable that it makes us lose sight of the Gospel. That incredible gift that Jesus so freely gave us. What could lull us to sleep so efficiently that we care more about temporal conveniences than people who've never heard, some of those even numbered among our close friends and relatives? What tragedy is this? It seems we are faced with a dilemma and like most "good Christians" we fall into one of two ditches (as Dr. Olson would put it). We either isolate ourselves from the world so carefully and completely that our Biblical separation turns into hypocritical isolation or we delve headfirst into a swirling mass of subjective, existential possibility, so easily submerged in this world that we look just like the rest of the puddles of subjective truth lying all over the floor. Where is the line? Is it different for different people? These are questions that need answered, and yet not in a spirit of haughty condemnation of others, but in a spirit of love and truth. (Notice they are both required, one without the other will lead to more ditches...i.e. love without truth will lead to universalism and truth without love will lead Pharisaical legalism) Moving on...

The Bible holds a clear pattern of separation from evil. We are to flee youthful lusts, abstain from all appearance of evil, not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, and the list could go on eternally, but in the same 66 canon you see countless examples of commands to love your neighbor as yourself (does this mean only other Christians? methinks not...) We are told Jesus loved the world (greek word kosmos, I know). We are also told He gave His life for it (once again kosmos, please try to focus with me here...). He went so far as to give an entire parable (The Good Samaritan) on loving your "neighbor" and defining who that neighbor is.

So how do we reconcile the fact that the same God who said, "Love not the world neither the things that are in the world" and "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son..." This seems to be a paradox...to love the world or not to love, that is the question... Actually, it doesn't seem beyond understanding when context and authorial intent (yeah Biblical Hermeneutics) are considered. God doesn't want us to be infatuated with the trinkets this world is selling, but He does care infinitely more for the people trying to sell them. We are to love the world, and not love the world, in the same way that we are in the world, but not of the world. We are here physically, we are obviously human, but we are not enraptured with the cheap "happy meal toys" that come with indulging in the world's fast food philosophy. We hold out for that steak dinner. It takes longer, and it costs more in the scope of our lives, but ultimately the savory meat is preciously prepared by our loving Savior and is for our good. The question is, after stuffing ourselves full of greasy, instantly appearing Big Macs will we still have an appetite for the full-blown steak dinner that awaits us?

All that to say, I'm tired of being comfortable. I'm tired of coasting. The Christian life isn't made up of looking for opportunities to be persecuted, hurt, or afflicted, but it is going to be a rough ride. I want that passion. That fire that burns inside you until you feel like exploding with the joy of the Gospel to whomever you're near (whether saved or lost). There is an inexplicable joy that comes with presenting the Gospel, or assisting in it, or even reveling in its truth and power with another believer. There is power in truth. There is a quiet, understated, undervalued strength that exudes from a believer living in the Gospel. I don't feel like words do it justice, but it is the one goal worth constant pursuit. It is the joy that shines the brightest through the most tears. It is our glory, our passion, our hope. Jesus Christ died on a cross for my sin. For your sin. Does that excite you? How can we be so passive about such an aggressive truth? How can we live each day ignoring the truth? How can we but praise Him who has done so much on our behalf and continues to daily? Where is the passion? Where is the struggle? If our lives consist of what we're going to wear and what we're going to eat, we are in serious trouble. Rejoice in the Gospel. Rejoice in the fact that we have hope. We have truth. There is objective truth, and it does not require my belief to make it true. May God remind us daily of our need of Him so that we can remind the world of their need of Him.

Ok, the yelling is over, you can uncover your ears, sorry if it came out a bit strong, but it had to get out somehow...

Thoughts

I don't really know where to begin. It's been well over a month since I last wrote. In that time God has miraculously brought me back to NBBC for another semester at least. The future beyond that is uncertain, but not foreboding because God is still in control. He knows better than I... I'm not really sure what prompted me to write tonight. I don't particularly feel like writing a bland update of pragmatic details, but I am also not sure I feel like going off on an abstract rant about some concept that just occurs to me. Maybe I'll try to hit a nice medium... I might just do a free-write to get my head focused. I worked the Sunday rotation today for Security (6-2). It was actually pretty enjoyable... As much as I wanted to go on extension, if I hadn't had an extension to miss, I would volunteer to do this every week. :) I got to work with Becca (Rebecca Jeffcott, aka Francesca). It was a semi-profitable day on both accouts. Although I finished no homework, I did get to read the Word in the early morning (6am - 8am) and then fellowship with my sister in Christ, and co-worker, Francesca. It was relaxing, because even though I was exhausted when I finally got out I got to go back and take a long nap. :) It was nice to not come out of a Sunday completely drained and ready for nothing. I'm done with my homework, and I'm going to bed earlier tonight. :) God is good, and He is truly AWESOME and worthy of praise. I think that's about all for now, nothing award-winning in this entry, but something to remind me of a good day. :)

Tesekkur ederim. Gule gule.

A Daily Triumph Song

This week has been crazy...in more than one or two or even three ways. It seems every time I turn around there's something else going on and it's a big crisis. :) However, God is faithful and true every time something happens, and He handles it. I am beginning to understand more by the day the idea of peace not being the absence of trouble but a calm in the midst of the trouble. You can be at peace in the middle of a battleground (which is somewhat how my life feels right now ;). Peace is not determined by circumstances. The peace of God controls and has power over all my understanding, thoughts, opinions, ideas, etc. Everything needs to be under the control of that peace. When His peace controls me, I have no reason to worry all the time about things I can't change anyway. I think I'm finding that instead of controlling more of my life as I thought I would when I grew up, I'm learning how little of it I can control, and learning that better than I've ever known it.

I would not have picked a summer with all this in it, nor did I have any clue what I was coming home to on May 10th when we drove out of campus the last time. But even though it's already been hard, and in some spots very very difficult to deal with, it's the perfect time and place for God to use this to teach me more about Himself, and He's definitely doing that. Even in my jobs alone He's opened opportunities for me to be a light.

This is something I overheard the other day at one of my jobs and it's not to be proud of me or anything, just something very encouraging and convicting to remember heading out of the summer. I was in the other room and I heard my boss on the phone with another of the head people of the company. I wasn't trying to listen but a couple words came through clearly and made me stop in my tracks. All I heard were the words, "Anna" and "Bible." That made me smile. If the only thing they remember about me is that I believe the Bible and I do my job, what a chance for God to use later in their lives! Yeah they can forget me, they can forget I want to go to Turkey, they can forget my name. That's not important. I'm just a temp worker, and they'll probably be there, barring something drastic and unexpected, for years to come....but if they remember nothing else, if they remember that the girl working that summer loved the Bible and did a good job, that is enough to come out of the summer. Other people took missions trips or worked at camps, and those are amazing ministries, absolutely amazing, but I don't think you have to see 10 kids saved every week or witness to 5 people a day in a foreign language to have a summer ministry. My jobs have both been very obvious ministry opportunities. It's not a matter of simply giving them a tract or going throuh the plan in Romans, sometimes it takes consistant daily living. There's no better way to know someone really well than working with them. The forced interaction, the pressure situations, they show what a person is like, and the chance to work with people who don't know Christ, whose every other breath is spent cursing the Savior who gave them that breath, is simply incredible. I did get several chances to talk about Christ and salvation in particular this summer, but the biggest impact, I believe, has been just getting to live it out for them everyday. I'm not perfect obviously, and I have had times where I wanted to bite my tongue after I said something, but God has used even a broken vessel like me to pour out His living water. The more broken I am, the more places He can let His water flow through. It's the times when I think I'm all together, that nothing gets out.

It's not a major campaign at a church, or a promotion for Sunday School. It's a silent, everyday persistance. In a way, it's a daily triumph song. Everyday there is victory in that God's presence is there and seen in some cases. Letting Him live through you is the most effective witness and it keeps you focused on the right goal and target.

So live that daily triumph song. It's unlike anything the world can offer, and they know it.

One Day...

Most people live their lives wishing for the next thing. Let's finish this day up so we can get to something more fun happening tomorrow. They don't give much thought to the everyday, they have bigger goals and plans, but don't really consider the minute by minute breakday of each 24 hour period...after all what difference can one day make? One day. 24 hours. 1,440 minutes. 86,400 seconds. What could possibly happen in that short amount of time? A lot. What could be accomplished in that amount of time? Quite a bit. What usually gets accomplished? Not much.Dates on a calendar are funny things in my opinion. I remember competing in fine arts for school as an elementary student. The day of "spring meet" was always huge to the school. The select few students (those who either got forced or were actually crazy enough to want to learn something and perform it in Chicago for strangers) got to miss school, leave early in the morning, and even spend the night in a hotel in Chicago! Oh boy. I remember being on those trips the morning of, I remember watching traffic around us, watching people walking down the street thinking to those people this is just another ordinary day...but to us? This date has been the focus of an entire year of preparation and practice. This day has been mentioned hundreds of times, written on who knows how many calendars, and thought about at least a minute of everyday for the past months...this day seems super important, or you could say that about many events, people's weddings, birthdays, engagements, any day that really sticks out as a special day, maybe for kids it's the first day of school (only when you're really young or really old) or the day you go to camp the first time. Whatever it is, there are single days that are points in time we hold up as important or special, or just plain fun. Seeing a friend you haven't spent time with in years, seeing family that live far away, whatever it is, we know that feeling. The expectant hopeful waiting of someone who believes it will happen. There are also days that one looks forward to with dread and anxiety. The first day of school seems to be in either category depending on who you are ;). There are days that you think about their coming and you shrink in fear at the very knowledge. Funerals might seem this way, dreadful to the family members who don't want a last goodbye. They don't want it to be real. Saying goodbye to friends and loved ones when you leave to go far away and maybe never come back. Goodbyes are not generally easy or pleasant, they tend to leave holes you find it hard to fill up. Days of great trials such as letting go of loved ones who die, or the last day of a job you love, surgeries, medical tests, college exams, these are things that we know are coming and we cringe thinking about. All those things...they happen in a day. One day. That's it. One day changes a life, changes a nation, a world perhaps. One day, that same period of 24 hours.Another thing that strikes me is the matter of time when considered with God. What does He see in one day? He sees children of His so full of absolute joy and happiness they can't stop beaming. The sight of a newborn baby, or a newly wed couple, a sunset, a job interview ending in success, the first day of your first year of college, days when His children see the sun in its fullness of awe and it takes away their breath, but He also sees at the exact same time, a child who loses a parent, His children who are suffering, His saints who are persecuted, He sees the overwhelmed ones, He sees the weak and the hurting. He sees them all at the same time. He weeps with the ones who cry, He rejoices with the ones who are blessed. One day at a time, He sees it all. He bears our pain and our joy, at the same time He bears others up. One day sees a lot of pain and joy and strength from Him. Isn't that amazing? One day, that's all it takes. In one day the world changes in major ways through individual people's lives. The days that see our darkest hours, hold the greatest joy in another's life, and the times when we are absolutely the happiest, there is sorrow for many. Don't dread the hard days, they will come and then they will go. They don't last forever, but they do come. Don't spend the hard days waiting for the enjoyable ones. Each day has a specific role in your life, and it's like a sentence, each word must be in exactly the right order to make sense, or the message is lost. Live in Christ with each day you're given, and don't forget the hurting brothers and sisters in Christ when your day seems easy. So much happens in a day, that's it's easily lost by the way, but one day makes a world of difference. A day is just 24 hours, and it's quickly spent. What matters is how you spend it.